Death and taxes. These are the only two certainties in life, and while neither is particularly pleasant, you can certainly plan for the former. Funerals allow mourners to pay their respects to the dead, and it’s safe to say most people would opt for “tasteful” over “fantastical” for their burial arrangements. However, there are more than a few who seem to think “fantastical” is the way to go.
Weird and Wonderful
What could be more fantastical than being shot into space? Creator of Star Trek, Gene Rodenberry, loved space and sci-fi so much that he had his ashes shot into the atmosphere from a satellite orbiting earth. His wife joined him ten years later. Quite romantic, really.
For those with a little less cash to throw around, but who are still keen on the idea of being shot out of something, US-based Holy Smoke has the perfect alternative. For the low price of $950, Holy Smoke will take 500g of cremated bodily remains and turn it into shotgun shells or rifle ammo.
The idea came about as the company’s two co-founders pondered the afterlife, and one said he wanted his ashes packed into shotgun shells and taken on a turkey hunt. “That way I will rest in peace knowing that the last thing that one turkey will see is me, screaming at him at about 900 feet per second,” he said.
Hunter S Thompson, author of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, also fancied being shot into the afterlife. His remains were shot out of 45m cannon as part of a fireworks display, with the $2 million tab picked up by Johnny Depp. “He loved explosions,” Thompson’s widow Anita said.
What does your coffin say about you?
For those not content with boring old regular-shaped coffins, there are other options on offer. The Ga people of Ghana specialise in “fantasy coffins”, which can be created to represent the personality of the deceased. This can include a fish, a hammer, the public bus, or even a uterus.
They’re not cheap though – the average “fantasy coffin” costs about the same as a local family makes in a year. This tradition has now spread overseas, with Ghanaian coffins exported throughout the world, and crazy coffin makers setting up shop all over.
What does your funeral say about you?
While some people couldn’t care less about their funeral – it’s not like they get to attend – others are keen to make a good impression on their mourners. And for some, the more mourners the better.
Up until recently, it wouldn’t have been unusual to attend a funeral in rural China and come face-to-face with a few strippers. While it may seem strange to outsiders, having strippers at a funeral helped to attract more mourners, and higher attendance meant more respect for the deceased.
Over in Las Vegas, it’s also possible to hire a few scantily-clad ladies as funeral entertainment. While most people think of Vegas as the place to get hitched, it can also be the perfect place for a funeral. If “perfect” is a Vegas-themed funeral complete with showgirls and slot machines.
And how much does that cost
In death, as in life, some people are only interested in showing off their wealth. When it comes to the rich and famous, there have been some pretty hefty price tags attached to their funeral arrangements.
The funeral of Pope John Paul II reportedly cost $13 million, while the funeral of John F Kennedy cost $44 million ($4 million for the funeral and $40 million in lost profits for the TV networks). But that’s nothing compared to Ronald Reagan. With the day’s closure of the stock market and all federal workers given the day off, his funeral was said to have cost $400 million.
And the winner? With his gold coffin, his golden carriage drawn by 60 horses, and his parade from Babylon to Macedonia, Alexander the Great takes home the prize, with a funeral costing the equivalent of $600 million.
If in doubt, get a drive-thru
The United States of America: the land of the drive-thru, where consumers can go to drive-thru fast food joints, pharmacies, banks, and dry cleaners, it shouldn’t be a surprise that there are also drive-thru funeral parlours.
At a funeral home in Compton, Los Angeles, mourners can drive in, look at the coffin of their dearly departed through a window, and drive off once they have paid their respects. And with a McDonalds on every corner, it’s not far to the drive-thru wake.
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