Finding out your partner has cheated on you is never going to be easy. But what happens when the infidelity has less to do with cheap motel rooms and secret rendezvous, and more to do with hidden bank accounts and secret spending?
Financial infidelity can be just as damaging to a relationship as sexual infidelity – and it’s more common than you might think. Both types of infidelity involve one person in the relationship hiding things and lying, and when their partner finds out, they feel betrayed and cheated.
Whether there is infidelity that involves sex or money, it’s likely to damage the relationship – sometimes irreparably. But how common is financial infidelity? Couples who agree to share everything and spend their lives together surely wouldn’t lie to each other about something as important as money – would they?
It meant nothing, honest
According to a recent survey, one in three Americans admit to financial infidelity, and 76% of those respondents said it affected their relationship.
The poll, commissioned by US-based National Endowment for Financial Education, surveyed 2035 people aged 18 and over, and found that three in ten people had hidden a purchase, bank account, statement, bill or cash from their partner.
The survey also found that 16% said they had lied to their partner about how much debt they had, while 14% admitted lying about their income.
“You would think with the recession that people are talking to each other more about money,” Ted Beck, NEFE’s president and CEO said. “But people are continuing bad habits.”
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But why lie? To answer this, the NEFE survey also looked into the reasons behind respondents’ financial infidelity. Fifteen per cent said they never talked to their partner about their financial situation, and “feared they would disapprove” if their partner knew the truth.
Meanwhile, 16% said they lied to their partner because they were “embarrassed or fearful” about their finances, and didn’t want their partner to know.
Another 35% of respondents admitted to being more private, saying, “I believe that some aspects of my finances should remain private, even from my partner”.
Cracks in the relationship
Looking into the consequences of financial infidelity, the survey showed some very serious results. Forty-seven per cent of respondents said the infidelity led to an argument, 33% said it led to “less trust in the relationship”, and 13% said it “ultimately resulted in divorce”.
But is the situation getting worse? NEFE conducted a similar survey in 2011 and found similar results. Thirty-one per cent of survey respondents in 2011 admitted to having lied to their partner about money, and another one third said they’d been deceived.
Among those impacted by financial infidelity, 67% said the deception led to an argument and 42% said it caused less trust in the relationship. Slightly worse than the current survey, 16% of the 2011 respondents said the deception led to a divorce, and 11% said it led to a separation.
“Secrets cause fractures, and fractures cause divisions,” said relationship and conflict resolution expert Melanie Ross Mills. “When we’re hiding anything from someone we are supposed to be partnering with – in business, in marriage or in friendship – it’s going to cause a division.”
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